Kindness is defined as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. But as I’ve learned this past year the very act of kindness means so much more especially when you are the recipient. Kindness is the quality of sharing gentleness, compassion, and being supportive, both emotionally and physically, motivated by a true aspiration to improve the recipient’s welfare and not for the giver’s personal benefit. It’s more than just being courteous or well-mannered; it’s a deep-rooted understanding and concern that inspires givers to act in ways that help others, even when it’s not always easy or convenient. Kindness could be viewed as a selfless act.
The cows formed a single file line on the path made of compacted snow. But in reality, it was simply an ice path. Treacherous for my two feet if I took too large of steps but equally for my four-legged cows. The youngest cow on the ranch was in the lead followed by yearling calves, teenage cows, and finally the oldest cow with her newborn calf. It was the first calf born in the past few days that had not instantly frozen to the ground despite our best efforts at being ever-watchful and throwing them on a wool blanket the minute they were born, and working as a team by carrying them into the barn or dragging them singularly if the moment occurred that way, where they could be warmed in the hay straw, out of the icy winds and weather, with their cow moms close for body heat.
My oldest cow was struggling. Her poor hooves were a bit weathered and curled and she ambled slowly losing her footing on the icy path. I could offer no assistance as I was a mere twentieth in comparison to her size. She still knew I was present and would wait for her to make it up into the barnyard or freeze right alongside her. My late husband had been a fire fighter in his younger days and often referred to the saying, “You go, we go,” translating we were in this together, until the bitter end, whatever that would be. It’s a comforting notion if you think about it. Someone there, holding your grip tightly, and not willing to break it, despite the consequence to their own well-being. That signifies a great kindness for another, no matter how well you know them, if you even know them at all.
Out of the barnyard and through the deep snow alongside the icy path the oldest cow’s best friend came barging through the snow like a big monster snowplow on the empty streets in the wintertime. Massive and strong and single-mindedly aiming straight towards her struggling friend. I watched in amazement through the blinding snow swirling around my face. The cow friend made it to her buddy, she braced her steady massive stature against the new cow mother and began pushing her slow and surely. The two walked steadily along the path and up into the barnyard almost as conjoined twins. My daughter and I were able to roll the little calf into a wool blanket and pull it along behind us to the barn or bust.
I often marvel at the recollection of that day, that moment, that act of kindness one cow offered to her friend. Although there are no photos or videos of that day the memory will be etched in my mind forever like a movie reel that repeats upon command. It was rare and beautiful like most of my treasured memories of my cow whispering days. Cows often display the best characteristics that humans should follow.
Spring is here and although I’m not out in the cow pastures this season, I am finding new adventures by scoping out scenery that I can use for my book covers. Short-stop should be my nickname as I’m just at five feet in length. I was appreciative when the friend I was out exploring nature with asked me if I’d like some assistance climbing up the three-foot grassy embankment. The day had been spent scouting out the perfect landscape picture for my schoolhouse book and the image before me met my liking. I could stay sure footed on the gravel road to take the photo but then my photo would include three wrung of the barbed wire fences between me and the perfect shot. I didn’t have to think twice, and I quickly answered, “yes”.
Such a simple everyday gesture of kindness and yet in that moment it made me feel cared for and that my wellbeing and regard to my safety was thought over. This person is a true friend and a giver such as I. They are always selfless in their acts of kindness and truly compassionate in nature. As I took their hand for their assistance, I immediately had an alternate image of another friend, from the previous year roll through my mind. It was quite the opposite, it was merciless, not an act of kindness at all.
There I was face down on the icy cement after losing my footing in the timing of a single heartbeat. Banged and bruised with a broken bone in my left hand and my right shoulder and hip screaming in pain I could not push myself up to get my footing. I worked at clambering around to find something to brace myself against. A friend’s voice from a few feet away in the safety of the overhang interrupted my struggles by saying, “I don’t know how to help you without getting hurt myself.” And they did nothing to assist me. Yes, indeed, kindness is often a selfless act but so is unkindness, if you think about it.
Not only is kindness a selfless act, but the very core of a true friendship is also defined as a state of mutual trust and support; a close relationship between people characterized by mutual affection, trust, support, and understanding. Clearly my “friend” did not display the characteristics of us being in a friendship. In those moments, lying face down on the ice like a beached whale, sobbing, I was all too aware that my “friend” my companion, didn’t even care for me at the basic level of one human being to another. They were not my friend and that crushed me more than the pain of the bruised and broken hand I had.
The definition of kindness was not found for me that day even as I grasp the first sturdy fence post I could find with all the gumption I could muster and pull myself upright and make it slowly and unsteadily to my truck and drive myself to the emergency room. I’d like to say I never looked back at that friend, but for those that know me well, I’m the eternal optimist with faith that others will change and do better going forward. It took me another ten months to finally conclude that some people cannot change, they cannot be selfless in nature, they cannot show kindness or even compassion towards the very people they say they care about. These people do not make good friends.
I will always do my best to be a friend or acquaintance that extends kindness, even if it kills me in the process. I will strive to find practical ways to display kindness to others, like lending a helping hand, offering words of encouragement, or simply being a supportive presence during tough times. These actions, both big and small, can significantly impact the recipient and strengthen the bond between friends or acquaintances. It can also do the same for the giver.
Being there, listening, offering encouragement, smiling, or providing a helping hand are all ways of offering kindness. It’s not always easy, especially when you find yourself face to face with a “friend” that doesn’t display the simplest character of kindness and that is why each day I begin in prayer for God to fill me with grace and humility that I might offer kindness to those I encounter during the day.
